I've been thinking about how powerful and necessary confessing. They bring repentance, freedom, relief, peace, joy, tears, and happiness to the confessor as well as to the ones hearing the confession. Saints from long ago even wrote confessions (i.e. St. Augustine and St. John the Cross) that bring us great comfort still yet today. This in mind, I have decided that I'm going to start posting confessions to you guys on here. My reasoning for doing this is that God will be glorified and that I honestly pray in some small way, it will lead those that I love to do the same. I pray this leads to great conversation as well among all of us and I pray that it leads us all to realize that we are all equal. "Confess your sins to one another..." (James 5:16). So here goes my first confession:

I confess to you all that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop judging people. Whether it's verbally, mentally, emotionally, or with a simple reactive facial expression, judging of people seems to always happen with me. I confess that I do this because I place my personal opinions over those of other people. I also do this because in the back of my mind, my pride still tells me I'm intellectually, physically, and spiritually better than some people. I confess that this is wrong...I'm sorry and I pray that you as well as God will please forgive me.

    I've become a person that loves community.  I love to gather with friends and/or family and just be able to be open with each other about what we're working through, what frustrates us, what brings us joy, and what were learning through the journey that we find ourselves on in life.  I love it so much that I want other people to get on board and do the same.  I do so because I believe that is exactly what Jesus did.  He spent a lot of time with people and I believe that because of spending a lot of time with people, it led to deeper conversations than just the usual crap known as small talk.

    I love community so much that it frustrates me that some people don't really want that.  They don't want to be completely open and honest about who they are.  They want people to know the good things about them, but not the bad things about them.  They love for people to know their good qualities, but have an overwhelming trepidation to people knowing their dark side.  It frustrates me that some people are just okay with the small talk crap.

    Furthermore, it frustrates me how people where I currently live take the word "friend" so lightly. You can talk to a person for a good hour or have gotten to know a person really well over a couple of weeks and you're automatically their friend.  I'll even admit that I almost started falling back into this way of thinking, but I've decided that I am not going back to that.  I'm going to give it some serious thought before I call anybody my friend.  

    Just because we've hung out a handful of times or had a few good talks does not make me your friend.  Just because we've shared a few laughs or had a few good times does not make us friends.  I may respect you and love talking to you, but in order to be my friend, this requires being open on a deep level and for both of us to have the freedom of sharing what's on our minds and hearts without fear of not being accepted.  

    This requires for us to be able to have a calmness in the quiet.  This requires both of us having a trust in one another.  This requires for both of us to know that no matter where we are on this journey called life, we will always be accepting of one another.  This also means that we will have laughs, arguments, hard times and good times but that we stay friends through it all.  Do we have that?  If we don't, maybe it's time for re-evaluation.

    Call this a bit of a confession if you will.  I see myself as a really nice guy that really cares about people.  I'll give up my time alone if I know that a friend of mine is in need or wants to hang out.  I'll even go out of my way for people if I know they need it.  I readily trust people and believe that they have the best intentions in mind even when I may not see it.

    Here's the confession part.  I wish sometimes that I wasn't as nice of a guy as I see myself.  I get taken advantage of, disrespected and forgotten about sometimes.  I also feel as if sometimes, I miss out on a lot of good opportunities because of it.  People always say "nice guys finish last" and I've been finishing last for way too long now so it gets really old, really quick.

   I'm not saying this stuff to look for sympathy or pity.  I'm saying this to be open and honest and real about how I feel.  Nevertheless, I can't bring myself to be a jackass to anybody even no matter how much I want to.